Rules to Live By Read online

  Don’t. Not enough. The consequences. Navin was pretending he was indifferent but underneath it was anger—hurt. One of these days, the consequences were going to be the end. He caught Navin’s hand and blurted, “Make me. Make me remember.”

  Navin closed his eyes and sighed. “How am I supposed to do that? I can’t nag you—you’ll end up resenting me and it’ll be a disaster.” Exhaustion and disappointment seemed to drag at Navin, turning down his mouth and darkening his eyes. It twisted something in Marquis’s chest to see. “Let’s just work with what we have.”

  “Then don’t nag me.” Marquis cupped Navin’s cheek in his free hand. At this rate, he was going to ruin this just because of who he was, which seemed excruciatingly unfair. He couldn’t see a way out right now, but he wasn’t going to let go, either. “Make me remember. I don’t know how. I just— Don’t let me forget. I don’t want to forget, Navin. I want you in my head. All the time.”

  Navin opened his eyes, blinking slowly. “What am I supposed to do? Tattoo my name on your forehead? You’re not my prisoner. They don’t make a leash long enough to go between our offices. I can’t be with you all the time. I wish I could be, Marq.” Navin kissed him on the cheek, then the mouth, pressing against him. At least there was emotion in that kiss. Navin cared, even if he didn’t have any answers either. “It would be perfect. When you’re around, I feel real.”

  “I’m here now, and I’m all yours.” The glimmer of hope was energizing. He was good in a crisis, thought well on his feet. This was a crisis if he’d ever had one. “Take me to bed. I’m not hungry. Just . . . Hell, tie me up. Keep me here, yours, all weekend long. Take my shoes, take my clothes. Take my phone.”

  “I should have guessed that’s the only way to keep you from the office.” Navin tugged at Marquis’s shirt, eyebrows raised. “Strip. Give me your clothes.”

  Marquis fumbled with the buttons, finally working enough of them free that he could drag the shirt off over his head. He dropped it in Navin’s hand, and his undershirt after. Anxiety sparked in him in spite of his arousal, and he didn’t know why. How could he screw up being naked?

  “I’ll be putting these somewhere you can’t get them. And your phone. And computer.” Navin hid the shirts behind his back. He tilted his head. “I’ll think of something you can do for me to earn them back for a half hour at a time, though, if you get desperate.”

  It was a miracle Marquis wasn’t more light-headed with all the blood rushing to his dick. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know this kind of thing turned him on. Every now and then, he’d allow himself to indulge in fantasies or porn about being controlled, and he’d get off so fast his head would spin.

  Not that he’d ever admit it to anyone. Except he just had, hadn’t he? Suggesting Navin tie him up had been foolish, laying it all out there like that. He didn’t want to put Navin off with his fantasies.

  This wasn’t a fantasy, though. This was real. This was Navin—Navin’s idea, not his.

  He couldn’t get his pants off and into Navin’s hands fast enough.

  Navin carefully folded everything as it came to him. He was always good at being organized. All of it went into Marquis’s bag, and then that and Marquis’s briefcase went into the hall closet. Marquis watched them go—his phone was in there, how was he going to make sure there were no disasters at the office if he didn’t have his phone?—with a pang of fear that left his hands clammy. Suddenly, what he’d suggested felt all too real, and he wasn’t sure it was such a good idea after all. Then Navin turned around.

  “I feel better now that I know I’ve got you to myself.” Navin took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his gaze hungry. His arousal was very evident through the thin, fine fabric of his tuxedo slacks. Oh. That was so much better, knowing this turned Navin on as well. “Bed?”

  Navin’s lips twisted with a sly smile that made Marquis’s heart pound like he’d run a marathon. All his worries were gone in a rush of lust. That wickedness on Navin’s face was a gift wrapped up in Navin’s buttoned-down exterior. Marquis nodded quickly, already backing toward the bedroom door.

  “Bed,” he agreed breathlessly, and turned away.

  All the way to the bedroom, he couldn’t see Navin, but he could hear his bare feet on the hardwood—could almost feel his presence, not in the least indifferent now, watching every move Marquis made. Once the bedroom door clicked shut behind them, Marquis spun to face him.

  Navin paused with his hands on the buttons of his shirt. “Want to help get me out of my clothes?”

  “Please.” The word came so easily to Marquis, as did the fall to his knees.

  He reached for the waist of Navin’s pants, hoping Navin wouldn’t notice the way his hands were shaking. With his fingers on the button, he stopped and turned his gaze up to Navin’s face.

  “May I?”

  “Wouldn’t have asked if I were going to say no.” Navin looked more at ease than he had in a long time. His expression was affectionate instead of just tolerant.

  As the zipper came down, Marquis leaned in and nuzzled the hard flesh still hidden by Navin’s boxers. Being with Navin wasn’t new or unfamiliar—they’d been seeing each other for more than a year—but tonight, with Navin in control, he was needy and eager to please.

  He got the pants to Navin’s ankles and drew back to let him step out of them, then moved in again to lick the exposed skin as he peeled the boxers away from Navin’s cock and past his thighs.

  Navin’s hand was soft on his cheek before Navin slid his fingers to the back of his head and pulled him in toward his cock. “Mouth. I want you to suck me.”

  Navin didn’t give orders. It’d never been like this before, with his hand on Marquis’s nape, making demands to which Marquis desperately wanted to submit. Marquis cupped Navin’s hips in his hands and sucked him in as deep as he could go, groaning. He swirled his tongue over the head on an upstroke, moaning again at the salt-bitter taste of Navin’s need.

  “That’s good,” Navin said unsteadily. His breathing was ragged and his thighs trembled under Marquis’s hands. He grabbed Marquis’s shoulder hard. “Damn it. More.”

  Shivering at the command in Navin’s voice, Marquis moved faster. The slick slide of Navin’s cock over his lips and tongue was like being fucked. He stroked his own dick lightly, moaning again.

  “Wait.” Navin tugged Marquis’s braids, and the sharp pain stole his breath. “I want that.”

  Being ordered to stop doing something that felt so good was even more delicious than being commanded to do something he wanted to do anyway. He shuddered, peeling his fingers away from his dick and clenching them on his thigh instead.

  As if he knew exactly the sort of reward Marquis needed, Navin began to fuck his mouth. Marquis gave himself up to it, letting his hands lie limp on his thighs while Navin used his mouth, fingers still wound in his hair. Every thrust over his tongue sent shockwaves of need racing through his body.

  Navin tightened his hand in Marquis’s braids and froze, flooding his mouth with come. No warning. Marquis swallowed fast to get it all down without choking.

  “God, you’re so good,” Navin said roughly.

  The praise felt like more than words, as though Marquis had slipped into a place where being told he was good made it true. It was liberating, being himself and being good at the same time. Such a relief, as well—he had nothing to care about in the world but whether or not Navin thought he was good.

  “Bed.” Navin put his hand under Marquis’s chin for a moment, wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb. “On your back. I want you. All of you. I want to feel like you belong to me.”

  It took a moment for Marquis to understand, but his body was already moving. He stretched out on the cool sheets. “Navin,” he tried to say as he craned his neck to see him, but it came out as a whispered rasp.

  Navin only stopped to rifle through the bedside table before he crawled onto the bed with Marquis.

  “I like this,” he said, lean
ing over Marquis with his knees on either side of Marquis’s hips. “I never feel like I get you all to myself. I need you to remember me, Marq. I need you to be mine like I’m yours. I really wanted you with me tonight and you just forgot. You forgot me. And I’m used to it.”

  Marquis’s heart hurt, hearing Navin say it like that. “I’ll do better.”

  What he wanted to say was, Do this. Let me be yours. Own me. He wanted to shove all his control at Navin, beg him to take it, drop to his knees and plead to be allowed to submit this way always. He couldn’t, though, couldn’t risk Navin recoiling from the truth.

  Finally, he found something safe to say. “You should come to my place too. I know you don’t usually. But you could; you always can. You can be in my life more. I want you there.”

  “I’ll do that.” Navin smiled slowly. “But if you’re going to stay at work, you have to tell me. I may not write your paycheck, but if you can remember your commitments for your boss, you can remember your commitments to me.”

  Heat flared over Marquis’s cheeks. “Yes, sir. You’re right,” he managed to say. Sir. It was easier to say than he’d ever imagined. Easy to say to Navin. “I’ll set a reminder when I have my phone again, to make sure I leave on time or call you if I’m not.” Because Navin had taken his phone. And Marquis had to earn it back. Somehow.

  “No, I think I’ll set that reminder. I don’t quite trust you to get it right—not yet.” Navin grinned down at him, then held up a condom where Marquis could see it. “I think you deserve something nice for being so understanding.”

  Marquis had been trying desperately to ignore the way his erection slid against Navin’s skin every time either of them moved. He didn’t speak, just stared at Navin, waiting.

  “Want to be inside me?” Navin’s expression said he already knew the answer. He tore the condom open, then shifted so he could slide it over Marquis’s cock.

  The touch stole Marquis’s breath. “Please, sir.”

  “Sir, hmm? Aren’t you the obedient lover tonight?” Navin kissed him hard while he slicked Marquis’s cock with lube. Marquis bit his lip to keep from writhing, and then Navin was sliding down onto him. “This is what I want. Your undivided attention.”

  He had it. Oh God, he had it. Marquis couldn’t have looked away if a bomb went off. “Kiss me again,” he whispered, reaching up with pleading hands.

  Navin made him wait for it, just a moment, then leaned down and kissed him again, making it last this time. Navin moved slowly, rolling his hips as though he was savoring every inch of Marquis’s cock inside him.

  Marquis moaned again and again. He wanted Navin in control just like this—Navin’s tongue curling through his mouth, Navin’s body over him, clenching tight around his dick. He should’ve asked for this months ago. Begged for it.

  “So good, Marq. You feel amazing.” Navin was hard again, proof he was telling the truth.

  He took Marquis’s hands in his and pressed them into the pillows. Gasping, Marquis pulled against Navin’s grip, but Navin held fast. Need surged inside Marquis, and he whimpered.

  Once Navin had Marquis pinned under him, he moved faster, drawing back enough that Marquis could see his face.

  “Don’t come,” Navin murmured, his eyes alight with happiness. “You’re so good. I want you to make me come again.”

  Holy fuck. Marquis whimpered again. He wanted to be good, but just hearing Navin’s demands pushed him to the brink. “Christ. I’m so close. Please.”

  “Don’t you dare.” Navin was merciless in spite of his sweet tones. “I want you to make me come. Don’t say please. Just do it.”

  Marquis tried desperately to hold back as Navin came down on him again. Tight, so tight. He bit his tongue; the taste of pennies filled his mouth as he thought about his urban planning professor from junior year, long division, his mother. Anything to keep from disappointing Navin.

  He was gasping, writhing, when Navin arched and streaked his chest with come. Finally, Marquis let go. His orgasm tore through him, left him raw.

  When Marquis was finally able to focus again, Navin’s beautiful, sated smile greeted him. “I think you’re hotter than when I met you,” Navin murmured, fingers tweaking Marquis’s wrists as if to remind him who was in control. “Looking at you . . . I’d love photos of you like this.”

  Marquis groaned—at being pinned or at the thought of being photographed, even he wasn’t sure which. Or maybe it was Navin’s confession, the closeness it created between them. Navin was never this open about what he thought. They’d stepped into some other world tonight, nothing the way it usually was.

  “You don’t have to. I’m just . . . looking at you. Wishing I could look at you all the time.” Navin ran his fingers down Marquis’s come-spattered chest and his expression shifted, sadness creeping in. “You’re gorgeous. I don’t want to end up not seeing you anymore—for a lot of reasons.”

  Marquis closed his eyes. “I don’t want that either.”

  “Let’s start fresh, then.” Absentmindedly, Navin rubbed a slick streak into Marquis’s skin. “After this weekend, if things go well, clean slate. Sound good?”

  Relief rushed through Marquis like a cool breeze. “That sounds good,” he whispered. “It sounds really good.”

  “How about sleep for now?” Navin kept petting. “I think I’d like some croissants in the morning. So you’ll want to get some rest. You’ll need to get up before me to get to the bakery when it opens. Oh, and coffee. Of course.”

  As Navin’s words sank in, so did Marquis’s fear. Did Navin realize what he was doing? Taking the game past just tonight, past the walls of the bedroom . . . It was everything Marquis had never let himself daydream about, but to make it real? If he got up tomorrow morning and did what Navin wanted, it wasn’t just a game anymore.

  But that was what he wanted, right?

  “May I have my clothes back to go to the bakery?” Sure, Marquis knew where they were. But—game or not—he didn’t want to ruin everything by making assumptions. It felt strange, but he couldn’t keep from smiling. Having to ask for his own clothes was remarkably liberating. He raised his head and brushed a careful kiss along Navin’s jaw. “Please?”

  “You may.” Navin kissed Marquis’s temple. “Thank you for asking.”

  Marquis ran the vacuum along the edge of the couch, bumping under the skirt. It wasn’t his favorite way to spend an evening, but if he and Navin were going to make their relationship work, they needed to be more present in each other’s lives. To share each other’s homes. Navin had said he would come over, instead of it always being Marquis who showed up at Navin’s apartment—whenever he remembered to go. Marquis wanted to make space for Navin here, to show that this was their place instead of just his. So he needed to get this place tidied up, even if he’d rather be at the gym on this free Tuesday night.

  But he was pleasing Navin. Navin was coming over, and he’d like it if the condo was clean when he arrived. It was almost as if Navin had told him to clean it, was making him do each task. Watching over him with narrowed eyes and a quirked eyebrow, making sure he’d done well. The thought made his chores seem far less daunting—appealing, even.

  When Marquis pushed the coffee table aside to vacuum, hard plastic cases clattered against each other as his porn collection fell from the hidden shelf underneath. He knelt to pick them up, and his position mirrored that of the wide-eyed man staring up at him from one of the DVD covers.

  There was a gag in the man’s mouth, a fist in his hair. Like over the weekend, when Navin had clenched his hand in Marquis’s braids and fucked his mouth. Maybe Navin would like it if he left the movies out somewhere they could watch them together.

  Marquis set the case next to the TV and picked up the rest, began lining them up. A man tied with thick, white ropes on the cover of one, a man in nipple clamps and a cock ring on another.

  The next had a picture of a man wearing a cock cage. He’d bought one of those cages months ago, on impulse. By the
time it showed up, reality had set in. He hadn’t felt as though he could share it with Navin; he’d never been able to bring any of this up, even in passing. He hadn’t even opened the inner box, just shoved the whole package under the bed and hoped he could forget about it.

  He hadn’t forgotten. He’d ignored it, but he’d never forgotten. The idea of Navin locking it on him crept back in when he was alone at home. Just thinking about it now had his cock filling. He shoved the DVD into the player and sat back to open his pants, pulling out his cock so it was framed by the silver of the zipper.

  In the movie, the man wore a metal cage with narrow steel ribs that shone in the bright lights of the film set. The one Marquis had bought was plastic. He’d be able to see every detail of his dark flesh through the transparent surface.

  The man in the movie was fucked again and again, ass and mouth, never allowed to come. The camera pulled in tight on his trapped dick. The other men teased the head so the lens could catch how his cock strained and pressed at the steel, bulging around it in some places as he gasped and moaned.

  Marquis gasped and moaned, too, squeezing himself tight as he stroked, imagining that it strained at the smooth plastic of the cage hidden under his bed. Would Navin tell him to wear it, and then hold the key so Marquis couldn’t get free?

  Heat raced through him at the thought of Navin’s elegant fingers trapping him inside the cage, clasping the tiny brass lock in place with a low click. The other night, Navin had said he wanted photos . . . Would he enjoy seeing Marquis like this, as writhing and needy as the man in the movie? Marquis could see himself there, trapped in the cage, tight plastic pressure containing his erection, and Navin standing over him all the while, in control of his every move. That was all he needed to push him over the edge. He shouted as he came, then sat back to gasp for breath, staring blindly at the movie still running before him.

  He’d always indulged in a bit of BDSM porn. Once in a while. Like it was just a little added spice in his fantasy life, but nothing more. Not as though it was a common thread through almost everything that turned him on.